Punjabi Dancing FOR THE WIN

Seriously, I think that I played this anywhere between 20-30 times yesterday.

Every time that it starts, I (honestly) start smiling.

Hahaha I love Culture!

Til' Kingdom Come

Wow. You know how there are those songs that you can just listen to and they cause you to wonder, to dream, to just... be... inside yourself...?

"i don't know which way i'm goin, i don't know which way i've come"

(yes Jesse, it was through OK Laptop that I found that song)

listening to Til' Kingdom Come by Coldplay takes me to a place that I haven't been in a while; to get to this place requires a highly articulate piece - a great book, a picture of a smiling child playing in the monsoon rains... a good song. you've made the cut 'Til Kingdom Come!'

it's weird. listening to the strum of the six string guitar in standard tuning E, causes memories from my trip to Cambodia to flood back to the front of my mind, flicking across as if I were internally watching a slideshow of the snapshots that my eyes took throughout my time there.

perhaps it's the chord progression.
perhaps it's the upbeat tempo yet mellow feel.
perhaps it's the softly perfect strum.

i see the muddy roads, the humble abodes, the skinny cows, the anorexic chickens, the tiny people, the beautiful dark-skinned people with smiling faces yet deep lost eyes, "still my heart and hold my tongue"... i see the extravagantly large houses in Phnom Penh, on their golden gates the faces of the King and Queen, i see the extravagantly small houses in Siem Reap, on the wire gate a small stuffed crow of a man, the people, the people, i see them all.

i feel the thick heat hit my face, i feel the sweat layering itself, i feel the small frame of a fourteen year old boy in my embrace, i'm sure i'll break him if i hug any harder. i feel the deep sorrow i felt whilst there, for the cripple, for the lame, for the children begging for their next meal, for their next tomorrow, for a friend. i feel indifferent, i don't know what i feel.

i smell the pollution from the room of my hotel.
i hear the yearning from the window of my tour boat.
i taste the waste in the air as we drive past an open sewer.

i imagine myself back there. i imagine myself helping the helpless.
i need to. if i don't, then who am i? and why am i?
if my life isn't to better others', then why is it at all?

"just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me."

when i came back, i wanted to just get straight into it. i wanted to pack my bags and go and save the country from it's poverty, from it's disaster, from it's indirection. seriously. i wanted to go straight to the government and tell them they weren't to be corrupt any longer. i wanted to go to each brothel and order the owners to free the women living in prostitution. i wanted to pull every perverse customer off of each frail, young, drug-addicted girl in the small rooms. i wanted to feed every hungry child, every hungry mother, father. i wanted to be a friend to every lonely person, to every friendless and joyless person, i wanted to be love. i wanted to clean every dirty person, every dirty road. i wanted to save the whole of Cambodia, the whole of Asia, the whole of Earth.*

i pretty much wanted to do God's job.

i dunno though, i reckon that we Christians use that as an excuse sometimes. we limit what positive change we can make by saying "woe is me, i can only do what I can do."

this type of thinking isn't to be confused with being humble and accepting boundaries. this type of thinking is small, and i despise it. i don't think God likes it either. He wants us to use the full potential He's given us right? Right?? Right.

i despise it and don't ever want it.
if God gives me a dream, I trust Him to work it out in my life. as humanly impossible it may seem to other people and even to myself.

so, back to Cambodia.
i really did love it there.
i really do love it there.
i really do love it.
i really do want to go back.
please let me.

i wonder if it's God's will. Hmm.


*it really is a whole nother post but what I have been struggling to learn since then is the fact that University is important. i, being me, don't really like the fact that to be recognized in any significant way (unless you're reeeeally awesome), you really would be better off having a qualification. this makes me kdsjfgdfsjgdkfjgdsjfdgf. but apparently i'll be more effective with one. but i want to back now!!! that's my human thinking. but still. but no. shut up adellz.

honest to who i'm blogging.

i'm trying to decide how i'm going to farewell Apples For Knowledge.

do i;
- write a final blog as a tribute?
- post a video of myself talking about the joy AFK has brought to my life?
- (i have no other suggestions but three bullet points looks that much tidier.)

i'm currently blogginating from the ICT Suite at my mother's place of employment. (Weymouth Intermediate)

*note to self: intermediate kids = shoot me.

this post has no deep meaning like mine usually do.
just a rant i guess.

did you know that when i think of a quote or any topic i'd like to blog about, i save it as a text in my phone so that i do not forget it?

efficient? smart? i think so. *nod of self-respect*
(or do i really think 'wow. get a life.'?...)
efficient, smart. for sure. ;)

winking smileys are so dodgy, you know. you have to be careful with when you use them, with whom you use them and the words which they are accompanied.

but regardless, i do like winking smileys.
;)...

see what i mean!?

oh man, i love raving on about nothing.

Apples For Knowledge. i think that's quite a witty name for a 16 year old to have come up with.
hahaha whatevs, i was probably 17. (wow, such a difference.)

ATTENTION: SPOILER ALERT.

for all my diehard fans (jesse? laura? hahaha) out there, that are just at the edge of their seats to read... (or you, yeah you, the one who clicked *Next Blog* hahaha ;) <- DODGY)
the title for my new blog will be...

Apples For Wisdom.
'cause Wisdom is the next step up from knowledge, and i feel i'm heading in a new direction in life.

or maybe it should be Apples For Understanding. because apparently according to Pastor Jim, Wisdom is Knowledge + Understanding + Action.
Action??? oh man, my brains going to explode with ideas.

on another note, Aimee and I watched the Facebook Movie. meh.
we thought it interesting. cinematography was very original. i'll give it that. but, that's about as deep as my opinion on it is. meh.

okay, i hate posting long posts! (hypocrite! scroll down!)

later g's. (g's? what the??)

The Indecisive Apple.

(hahahahaha the indecisive apple, good one! that's so funny. well not the title in itself. just the implication that an Apple - that even has a capital letter - could be indecisive. makes me think of that emoticon that looks confused. on MSN. whoa! MSN! haven't been on there in an aaaaage. does adding the unnecessary 'a's make an age longer? anyway, end of bracket talk. haha bracket talk.)

Death... But why? Because.

School's Out and I'm wondering what Akua would be doing if she were here. I mean, we would have had the same exams; she would have been happy today too. She was so funny when she was happy. She was like, all jumpy and she laughed that laugh that's making me smile now even thinking about it.

Man she was crazy.

I was thinking, how do people just die like that? It's a weird question. And I've always been one to understand that death is a part of life and I still do, it's just... it's just a question that I'm questioning like a questionnaire.

Why do people die every day as a result of malnourishment? Why do people, who waited for the little green man, die at the hands of a reckless driver? Why did all those Christians get bombed over in Iraq by the Muslim extremists? Why did 400 people in Cambodia die in a sea of panic just the other day? Why did 6BILLION Jewish people die at the hands of Hitler? Why did 1.7 Million Khmer get executed or overworked to the point of death, at the hands of the Khmer Rouge Troops? Why did that guy that acted as the dad on 8 Simple Rules die, on set? Why did my friend die at the hands of incurable cancer?

I dunno.

These questions irritate me. And it irritates me that I don't and probably won't know the answers. This side of Heaven.

Sure, even if I dedicated my entire life to ensuring people stop dying at the hands of merciless corrupt governments, I can never go back to that man in Cambodia thirty years ago, that man that had worked hard all his life to provide for his family, the man on his way to get shot... I can't go back there, pull out Kung Fu moves on the troops and save him, and return him safely to his family. No, I can't.

I cannot back flip into the Concentration Camps, and save the women and children being marched, some knowingly and some not, to their deaths. I, just... can't!

I can't see my friend Akua again. If my life goes to 'normal' reasoning - i'll live another 60 or so years, I'll get married, have children, meet new friends, hopefully see the world, help save it a bit. But in all those years to come, I will never ever see Akua. I just... won't. Like, really.

Knowing all this stuff that I can't do. Like save the child that literally JUST fell dead of AIDS, of MALARIA, as I wrote this, or as you read this...
Knowing I can't really do anything about that, is kind of what motivates me to make sure I do everything that I CAN do while I can still do it.

My purpose is His Purpose. Although I'll never understand, I understand that all I can do, is save the one or two or three or more children that I meet next time I return to Cambodia to do some volunteer services or something like that. I know that I can help that child that is actually living just down the road from me.

So while God does the stuff I can't, I'll do the stuff He's made me to do.

And to be truthful with you, my friend, that still irritates me. I still every now and then get emotional about the fact that people have died and do die at the hands of injustices. But that's just something I'll have to try and live with. Hmm.

Applez For Wisdom.