Death... But why? Because.

School's Out and I'm wondering what Akua would be doing if she were here. I mean, we would have had the same exams; she would have been happy today too. She was so funny when she was happy. She was like, all jumpy and she laughed that laugh that's making me smile now even thinking about it.

Man she was crazy.

I was thinking, how do people just die like that? It's a weird question. And I've always been one to understand that death is a part of life and I still do, it's just... it's just a question that I'm questioning like a questionnaire.

Why do people die every day as a result of malnourishment? Why do people, who waited for the little green man, die at the hands of a reckless driver? Why did all those Christians get bombed over in Iraq by the Muslim extremists? Why did 400 people in Cambodia die in a sea of panic just the other day? Why did 6BILLION Jewish people die at the hands of Hitler? Why did 1.7 Million Khmer get executed or overworked to the point of death, at the hands of the Khmer Rouge Troops? Why did that guy that acted as the dad on 8 Simple Rules die, on set? Why did my friend die at the hands of incurable cancer?

I dunno.

These questions irritate me. And it irritates me that I don't and probably won't know the answers. This side of Heaven.

Sure, even if I dedicated my entire life to ensuring people stop dying at the hands of merciless corrupt governments, I can never go back to that man in Cambodia thirty years ago, that man that had worked hard all his life to provide for his family, the man on his way to get shot... I can't go back there, pull out Kung Fu moves on the troops and save him, and return him safely to his family. No, I can't.

I cannot back flip into the Concentration Camps, and save the women and children being marched, some knowingly and some not, to their deaths. I, just... can't!

I can't see my friend Akua again. If my life goes to 'normal' reasoning - i'll live another 60 or so years, I'll get married, have children, meet new friends, hopefully see the world, help save it a bit. But in all those years to come, I will never ever see Akua. I just... won't. Like, really.

Knowing all this stuff that I can't do. Like save the child that literally JUST fell dead of AIDS, of MALARIA, as I wrote this, or as you read this...
Knowing I can't really do anything about that, is kind of what motivates me to make sure I do everything that I CAN do while I can still do it.

My purpose is His Purpose. Although I'll never understand, I understand that all I can do, is save the one or two or three or more children that I meet next time I return to Cambodia to do some volunteer services or something like that. I know that I can help that child that is actually living just down the road from me.

So while God does the stuff I can't, I'll do the stuff He's made me to do.

And to be truthful with you, my friend, that still irritates me. I still every now and then get emotional about the fact that people have died and do die at the hands of injustices. But that's just something I'll have to try and live with. Hmm.

Applez For Wisdom.

The night of all days under the Starry moonFace.

Today marks the night of the day before the morning of the day of the time of my last exam.

It's Scholarship Biology. I didn't sign up for it, I hadn't planned on doing it, it showed up on my admission slip so I'm going to give it a go.

Well, my friend Aimee presented me with a valid argument as to why I should do it. I;m sure she only wants me to feel her pain of having an exam on a friday *shifty eyes* but meh, why not.

So, here goes... Mendelian Genetics, Somatic Mutations, Sympatric/Allopatric Speciation, Demes, Anti-Socil Behaviour... here I come. I hope you're in the exam, because I know you relatively well.

Adeleina.
By this time tomorrow it will be over.

Get Wasted. Get High. Wow, what a cool life.

I am currently blogginating from my new laptop gifted to me tonight at Year 13 Prizegiving. To be honest, I don't understand what the award was, but I'm grateful for it :) Haha.

School, for us in officially over. What a year it has been. It seems odd to me that we are referring to the year being 'over' when in actual fact it's still only the early stages of November. It's only really the end for school leavers. And even then it isn't, I mean, I'm not going to feel relieved until I walk out of that last exam, that dreaded Calculus exam... Oh the feeling, you know the feeling. The feeling knowing that after you walk out of the doors, you won't be coming back. No more worrying about studying, worrying about not studying and actually studying. No more practice exams, no textbooks or practice essays. It's just... all... over.

When that day, that moment comes, THEN and only THEN will I breathe in that last breath of Manurewa High School air and be relieved. Until then, bring on the stress! Hahaha.

I was flicking through one of our Year 13 Students' photos and saw nothing new. Nothing new at all. I'd like to say I was surprised, but I wasn't. "So-and-so has published new photos" *views, flicks through frame after frame of alcohol yielding teenagers, friends, cigarette-fogged pictures... just the same as the last photos*.

Geez I must really be missing out huh, I just envy the glazed look in his eyes, the look of no focus, of nothing. And how jealous I am of that girl passed out, cigarettes clutched in her nicotene stained fingers, Smirnoff close-at-hand. I mean, yeah, I'm really missing out, it just all looks so worth the fun, the hangover. I'm so uncool. Boo me.

(For those whose sarcasm radar isn't in tune, I was using sarcasm as a tool to put a different spin on my point.)

Forgive me for being a party pooper - actually, don't. I have no shame in being responsible, and I've been a party pooper all year, it was my job. Head Party Pooper. - but, when I see photos of you like that, it makes me sad. And annoyed. That you're so young and have already gotten into that scene. As if that's 'just what ya do' once you're old enough. And so the cycle begins again. Yipee. Yay us.

Everything is meaningless. A meaningless chasing of the wind. Ecclesiastes. It's says that aaaaall throughout the book Ecclesiastes. Check it out.

God thinks more of you. I think more of you.

D'you think doing 'things' like ^ that makes people think more of you?
More importantly, does it make you think more of you?

On the rocks, one more puff.

APPLEZ FOR KNOWLEDGE - Knowing nothing, knowing all.