Punjabi Dancing FOR THE WIN

Seriously, I think that I played this anywhere between 20-30 times yesterday.

Every time that it starts, I (honestly) start smiling.

Hahaha I love Culture!

Til' Kingdom Come

Wow. You know how there are those songs that you can just listen to and they cause you to wonder, to dream, to just... be... inside yourself...?

"i don't know which way i'm goin, i don't know which way i've come"

(yes Jesse, it was through OK Laptop that I found that song)

listening to Til' Kingdom Come by Coldplay takes me to a place that I haven't been in a while; to get to this place requires a highly articulate piece - a great book, a picture of a smiling child playing in the monsoon rains... a good song. you've made the cut 'Til Kingdom Come!'

it's weird. listening to the strum of the six string guitar in standard tuning E, causes memories from my trip to Cambodia to flood back to the front of my mind, flicking across as if I were internally watching a slideshow of the snapshots that my eyes took throughout my time there.

perhaps it's the chord progression.
perhaps it's the upbeat tempo yet mellow feel.
perhaps it's the softly perfect strum.

i see the muddy roads, the humble abodes, the skinny cows, the anorexic chickens, the tiny people, the beautiful dark-skinned people with smiling faces yet deep lost eyes, "still my heart and hold my tongue"... i see the extravagantly large houses in Phnom Penh, on their golden gates the faces of the King and Queen, i see the extravagantly small houses in Siem Reap, on the wire gate a small stuffed crow of a man, the people, the people, i see them all.

i feel the thick heat hit my face, i feel the sweat layering itself, i feel the small frame of a fourteen year old boy in my embrace, i'm sure i'll break him if i hug any harder. i feel the deep sorrow i felt whilst there, for the cripple, for the lame, for the children begging for their next meal, for their next tomorrow, for a friend. i feel indifferent, i don't know what i feel.

i smell the pollution from the room of my hotel.
i hear the yearning from the window of my tour boat.
i taste the waste in the air as we drive past an open sewer.

i imagine myself back there. i imagine myself helping the helpless.
i need to. if i don't, then who am i? and why am i?
if my life isn't to better others', then why is it at all?

"just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me."

when i came back, i wanted to just get straight into it. i wanted to pack my bags and go and save the country from it's poverty, from it's disaster, from it's indirection. seriously. i wanted to go straight to the government and tell them they weren't to be corrupt any longer. i wanted to go to each brothel and order the owners to free the women living in prostitution. i wanted to pull every perverse customer off of each frail, young, drug-addicted girl in the small rooms. i wanted to feed every hungry child, every hungry mother, father. i wanted to be a friend to every lonely person, to every friendless and joyless person, i wanted to be love. i wanted to clean every dirty person, every dirty road. i wanted to save the whole of Cambodia, the whole of Asia, the whole of Earth.*

i pretty much wanted to do God's job.

i dunno though, i reckon that we Christians use that as an excuse sometimes. we limit what positive change we can make by saying "woe is me, i can only do what I can do."

this type of thinking isn't to be confused with being humble and accepting boundaries. this type of thinking is small, and i despise it. i don't think God likes it either. He wants us to use the full potential He's given us right? Right?? Right.

i despise it and don't ever want it.
if God gives me a dream, I trust Him to work it out in my life. as humanly impossible it may seem to other people and even to myself.

so, back to Cambodia.
i really did love it there.
i really do love it there.
i really do love it.
i really do want to go back.
please let me.

i wonder if it's God's will. Hmm.


*it really is a whole nother post but what I have been struggling to learn since then is the fact that University is important. i, being me, don't really like the fact that to be recognized in any significant way (unless you're reeeeally awesome), you really would be better off having a qualification. this makes me kdsjfgdfsjgdkfjgdsjfdgf. but apparently i'll be more effective with one. but i want to back now!!! that's my human thinking. but still. but no. shut up adellz.

honest to who i'm blogging.

i'm trying to decide how i'm going to farewell Apples For Knowledge.

do i;
- write a final blog as a tribute?
- post a video of myself talking about the joy AFK has brought to my life?
- (i have no other suggestions but three bullet points looks that much tidier.)

i'm currently blogginating from the ICT Suite at my mother's place of employment. (Weymouth Intermediate)

*note to self: intermediate kids = shoot me.

this post has no deep meaning like mine usually do.
just a rant i guess.

did you know that when i think of a quote or any topic i'd like to blog about, i save it as a text in my phone so that i do not forget it?

efficient? smart? i think so. *nod of self-respect*
(or do i really think 'wow. get a life.'?...)
efficient, smart. for sure. ;)

winking smileys are so dodgy, you know. you have to be careful with when you use them, with whom you use them and the words which they are accompanied.

but regardless, i do like winking smileys.
;)...

see what i mean!?

oh man, i love raving on about nothing.

Apples For Knowledge. i think that's quite a witty name for a 16 year old to have come up with.
hahaha whatevs, i was probably 17. (wow, such a difference.)

ATTENTION: SPOILER ALERT.

for all my diehard fans (jesse? laura? hahaha) out there, that are just at the edge of their seats to read... (or you, yeah you, the one who clicked *Next Blog* hahaha ;) <- DODGY)
the title for my new blog will be...

Apples For Wisdom.
'cause Wisdom is the next step up from knowledge, and i feel i'm heading in a new direction in life.

or maybe it should be Apples For Understanding. because apparently according to Pastor Jim, Wisdom is Knowledge + Understanding + Action.
Action??? oh man, my brains going to explode with ideas.

on another note, Aimee and I watched the Facebook Movie. meh.
we thought it interesting. cinematography was very original. i'll give it that. but, that's about as deep as my opinion on it is. meh.

okay, i hate posting long posts! (hypocrite! scroll down!)

later g's. (g's? what the??)

The Indecisive Apple.

(hahahahaha the indecisive apple, good one! that's so funny. well not the title in itself. just the implication that an Apple - that even has a capital letter - could be indecisive. makes me think of that emoticon that looks confused. on MSN. whoa! MSN! haven't been on there in an aaaaage. does adding the unnecessary 'a's make an age longer? anyway, end of bracket talk. haha bracket talk.)

Death... But why? Because.

School's Out and I'm wondering what Akua would be doing if she were here. I mean, we would have had the same exams; she would have been happy today too. She was so funny when she was happy. She was like, all jumpy and she laughed that laugh that's making me smile now even thinking about it.

Man she was crazy.

I was thinking, how do people just die like that? It's a weird question. And I've always been one to understand that death is a part of life and I still do, it's just... it's just a question that I'm questioning like a questionnaire.

Why do people die every day as a result of malnourishment? Why do people, who waited for the little green man, die at the hands of a reckless driver? Why did all those Christians get bombed over in Iraq by the Muslim extremists? Why did 400 people in Cambodia die in a sea of panic just the other day? Why did 6BILLION Jewish people die at the hands of Hitler? Why did 1.7 Million Khmer get executed or overworked to the point of death, at the hands of the Khmer Rouge Troops? Why did that guy that acted as the dad on 8 Simple Rules die, on set? Why did my friend die at the hands of incurable cancer?

I dunno.

These questions irritate me. And it irritates me that I don't and probably won't know the answers. This side of Heaven.

Sure, even if I dedicated my entire life to ensuring people stop dying at the hands of merciless corrupt governments, I can never go back to that man in Cambodia thirty years ago, that man that had worked hard all his life to provide for his family, the man on his way to get shot... I can't go back there, pull out Kung Fu moves on the troops and save him, and return him safely to his family. No, I can't.

I cannot back flip into the Concentration Camps, and save the women and children being marched, some knowingly and some not, to their deaths. I, just... can't!

I can't see my friend Akua again. If my life goes to 'normal' reasoning - i'll live another 60 or so years, I'll get married, have children, meet new friends, hopefully see the world, help save it a bit. But in all those years to come, I will never ever see Akua. I just... won't. Like, really.

Knowing all this stuff that I can't do. Like save the child that literally JUST fell dead of AIDS, of MALARIA, as I wrote this, or as you read this...
Knowing I can't really do anything about that, is kind of what motivates me to make sure I do everything that I CAN do while I can still do it.

My purpose is His Purpose. Although I'll never understand, I understand that all I can do, is save the one or two or three or more children that I meet next time I return to Cambodia to do some volunteer services or something like that. I know that I can help that child that is actually living just down the road from me.

So while God does the stuff I can't, I'll do the stuff He's made me to do.

And to be truthful with you, my friend, that still irritates me. I still every now and then get emotional about the fact that people have died and do die at the hands of injustices. But that's just something I'll have to try and live with. Hmm.

Applez For Wisdom.

The night of all days under the Starry moonFace.

Today marks the night of the day before the morning of the day of the time of my last exam.

It's Scholarship Biology. I didn't sign up for it, I hadn't planned on doing it, it showed up on my admission slip so I'm going to give it a go.

Well, my friend Aimee presented me with a valid argument as to why I should do it. I;m sure she only wants me to feel her pain of having an exam on a friday *shifty eyes* but meh, why not.

So, here goes... Mendelian Genetics, Somatic Mutations, Sympatric/Allopatric Speciation, Demes, Anti-Socil Behaviour... here I come. I hope you're in the exam, because I know you relatively well.

Adeleina.
By this time tomorrow it will be over.

Get Wasted. Get High. Wow, what a cool life.

I am currently blogginating from my new laptop gifted to me tonight at Year 13 Prizegiving. To be honest, I don't understand what the award was, but I'm grateful for it :) Haha.

School, for us in officially over. What a year it has been. It seems odd to me that we are referring to the year being 'over' when in actual fact it's still only the early stages of November. It's only really the end for school leavers. And even then it isn't, I mean, I'm not going to feel relieved until I walk out of that last exam, that dreaded Calculus exam... Oh the feeling, you know the feeling. The feeling knowing that after you walk out of the doors, you won't be coming back. No more worrying about studying, worrying about not studying and actually studying. No more practice exams, no textbooks or practice essays. It's just... all... over.

When that day, that moment comes, THEN and only THEN will I breathe in that last breath of Manurewa High School air and be relieved. Until then, bring on the stress! Hahaha.

I was flicking through one of our Year 13 Students' photos and saw nothing new. Nothing new at all. I'd like to say I was surprised, but I wasn't. "So-and-so has published new photos" *views, flicks through frame after frame of alcohol yielding teenagers, friends, cigarette-fogged pictures... just the same as the last photos*.

Geez I must really be missing out huh, I just envy the glazed look in his eyes, the look of no focus, of nothing. And how jealous I am of that girl passed out, cigarettes clutched in her nicotene stained fingers, Smirnoff close-at-hand. I mean, yeah, I'm really missing out, it just all looks so worth the fun, the hangover. I'm so uncool. Boo me.

(For those whose sarcasm radar isn't in tune, I was using sarcasm as a tool to put a different spin on my point.)

Forgive me for being a party pooper - actually, don't. I have no shame in being responsible, and I've been a party pooper all year, it was my job. Head Party Pooper. - but, when I see photos of you like that, it makes me sad. And annoyed. That you're so young and have already gotten into that scene. As if that's 'just what ya do' once you're old enough. And so the cycle begins again. Yipee. Yay us.

Everything is meaningless. A meaningless chasing of the wind. Ecclesiastes. It's says that aaaaall throughout the book Ecclesiastes. Check it out.

God thinks more of you. I think more of you.

D'you think doing 'things' like ^ that makes people think more of you?
More importantly, does it make you think more of you?

On the rocks, one more puff.

APPLEZ FOR KNOWLEDGE - Knowing nothing, knowing all.

Hi I'm Tayla and I. AM. COOL.

SO! I'm not particularly fond of wishing people HAPPY BIRTHD*Y on social networking sites, which will remain UN-named... *cough* Faceb...

*cough*.

I don't know, it just seems so... like, you wouldn't actually have known that it was someone's birthday had you not gotten an email about it telling you. Reminding you of YOUR

friend's birthday which you, should actually know. I dunno. I guess it's quite a good thing that FB reminds us then huh. Hahaha I dunno - that's ME - OVER ANALYTICAL.

ANYWAY! WHOA! Enough about ME.

In my attempt to be creative and innovative in my wishing of birthday happiness to my dear Taylabean, I thought I'd conjure her up a BLOG. Which is kind of

like, an inside laugh for us both. Kind of. Or maybe just for me. Hah

aha WEIRDO I AM.

Happy TAYLA's Day TayTay Teebie-lu.

I like the way you've changed the little box underneath your Facebook DP, just by one number. That is cuteness.

Thanks for poking fingers at me, in looove.

For letting me read your undeleted... **O*, and thus letting

me

see into your heart!

OH! For teaching me how to heart.

For letting me try my new FONTS out on you.

For hugs and stuff, for smiles, just for being weird ole' satisfied you.

THANKS!

You're beautiful and we (Jesus and I) Heart you indeed.

This is a photo of me and Tayla when we were babies. Yeah

, we go waaaay back.

(I'm the one on the left... obviously)

Dear Adeleina Loto-Meleisea

Note to self:

First of all God is always good. You are just most of the time bad.
Second of all, you are responsible for yourself and your life, as in YOU take the blame for mistakes.
Third of all, don't be an ass. Asses are dumb.

So, about Akua.

So, About Akua.

I was looking at old emails, and I found one titled "Hope it helps, even if only a little". Attached to lyrics of verses and choruses was a song. "Yesterday" by Switchfoot.

Not wanting to open the attachment, I looked the song up on trusty Youtube and read the lyrics as the song went by...

"I'm alone for our last goodbye, but you're free... I remember you like yesterday, I still can't believe you're gone."

It's true - I can still remember how she laughed, her loud, over-happy sudden outburst of laughter... I remember the way she looked when she laughed at me and at anything. I remember the way her beautiful bone structure kept her looking Royal when she sounded like a Hyena... actually, she could probably out-laugh a pack of Hyenas. One of the many things I loved... love about her.

I still remember her carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders, but being carried herself on the shoulders of a God that she knew intimately. I remember her High School Musical carry bag in one hand, full of knowledge in the form of science text books. From her other arm hung her velvet bag, equally as heavy. In her tall, lean body she carried the weight of cancer, of sickness... of pain and hurt... But her eyes carrying none of these. In her heart, she carries the hope of... Hope.

"A part of you in me is torn, and you're free"

I wonder what we will do in the future, and then I remember she does not have one. I think of Loto, Caroline, her and I walking home. Walking life together. Now that she's gone... Her memory has a future. I guess.

"And until I'm with you, I'll carry on..."

Then I remember how she looked in her casket. I think... I don't know what I think. But I feel a lot. So tall, she was. Really tall... Not only tall but also high - with her head in the clouds... the clouds of love and assurance... of hope and of things to come...

I miss Akua a lot. I wonder if I will ever not? I don't think so.
I don't hope so.

"So long my friend, so long."

how i wish you were here.

it is 12:09am and i should be in bed, but i must tell you about a man that we should all know, but sadly we don't.

i blog this to the background music 'Wish You Were Here' by Pink Floyd. i heard this for the first time tonight, over Skype. my daddio played it on the guitar to me... "wish you were here"... he's gone to bed now, so i compensate with the good old youtube version of the song. not as good, but good enough for now. while he's gone.

"how i wish you were here"

Dads.

A child's stability, foundation, solid ground, hiding place and refuge, warmth in the winter, light in the dark, comfort during sadness, Love.

A girl needs that man in her life, who will never leave her, who will be always with her and for her. Who will cheer her on at her games. Who will read her blogs. Who will video her music recitals and show it off. Who will tell her she is the most beautiful darling girl in the world. Who will make her feel special amongst so many special people. Who will accept her, no matter what she does... no matter who she wastes time on, or how. Who she knows she can always return to, however far she may stray.

and who will protect her from the men who don't do any of these things right.

Who will protect her from the men who don't do any of these things right?

A boy needs that man in their life, that will teach him how to make it in the cold cold world, who will video his game, or his tournament, or his dance, and show it off to the world. Who will teach him to have fun and make fun. Who will teach him to show emotion. Who will teach him that it is okay to not be okay. Who will teach him how to look after himself and his family. Who will teach him to throw a ball, or do an equation, or spell a word. Who will teach him to earn respect if he ever wants to gain it.

and Who will love him and not be too proud to show it.

Who will love him and not be too proud to show it?

Dads... where are you? you have a responsibility to him and to her.

She needs you and he needs you.

I need you.

I'm blessed, my dad is not here, but he tries.

i can't imagine how hard it is for those whose dad's don't.

"how i wish, i wish you were here"

ApplezForKnowledge - my dad, i love you.xx

his guitaring is sometimes the only thing that calms me in the middle of a hectic week, term, year, life.

i like you.

you can have whatever you like.

pffft. whatever Clifford Joseph Harris, Jr.

many things in this life do i like.

i like the song Beautiful Exchange by Hillsong. i like that i heard this song for the first time at Hillsong Brisbane in Janurary. i like that i was standing with my family when i did; Dad, Nancy, Wyn, Diamond, David, Ebaney, Lays... i like that Baby Andrew was also there.

i like that my school's FIRST and SECOND XV's both won their games. i like that the Under 15's also won their game. i like that it was an 80something-NIL hiding. i like that i could watch and support both the Seconds and Under15s. I like that the headboy was watching the one game i couldn't watch. i like my school.

i like that this is the last week of term two coming up. i like that there is only fourteen weeks left of high school for me, ever. i like that in a week and two days time, i will see my dad, Nancy, Diamond and David. i like that.

i like that i like a lot of things.

i like that i have a friend called Aimee. and a friend called Tayla. and a friend called Delphine.

i like that i have four tabs open automatically when i start up the Web Browser. i like that they are my Blog, Jesse's blog, hotmail and... facebook.

i like that i'm playing the said song over and over and over again. "when only love could make a way, you gave your life... in a beautiful exchange."

i like that i am the head girl. i like that i am a daughter. i like that i am a leader. i like that i am known in Manurewa because my mums the infamous Miss Loto xD. i like that we have so many visitors because of how awesome she is. i like that her and i are more like friends than mother and daughter. i like that i am many things. but i like how on my blog i don't have to be anyone but adeleina loto-meleisea papi francesca.

i like that i put my middle name after my last name, hahaha.

i like how i started this blog with no topic in mind, not intending it to be long, but that's out the window now.

i like that Hieu just liked my status. i like Hieu's hair. i think Hieu is awesome. but i don't even know Hieu, and he pokes fingers to me. lol.

i like that this blog is so unfocussed that it's just a rant...

i like that it won't be marked by Ms Frayling.

i like that if it was, i'd like to think i'd get an Excellence for, nothing...

i like that now that i share my blogs through facebook, i get about four views higher than i had the previous day. i like that i like that.

i like that aaron is coming to the ball now. i like that i didn't buy my ticket yet, in case he decided to come at the last minute. i like that i've decided to buy the last possible ticket.

i like that there may not be a last possible ticket and i might miss out, hahaha.

i like that i am stopping blogging to go and do my english research that is due this monday... and i like that there are still loads of things on my mind to add to the list.

i like that by there would only be about three people who've read this far.

i like, i love, i like, i love.

ApplezForKnowledge - likes Knowledge.

i like that this sounds like one of those 'like my status and i will tell you something i like about you" things. hmph.

CENSORED.censored.CENSORED.censored.

Wow. the writings all in the middle... amazing stuff.

Did you know that I censor my blogs?

Hahahahaha... what do I mean by that?

I treat this blogging space as an online diary.

i have soooo many posts that were never posted, simply because i decided i didnt want everybody knowing what was written on them. this thought makes me LOL.

maybe if this were one of those awesome anonymous blogs that a million people around the world followed, and anticipated the next post of, simply because they were so real and relevant to teenage life.

but alas, this is not so...

i have about three dedicated readers and they all know who i am.

hahaha, so that's it. that's all i have to say.

the rest, stays edited out.

ApplezForKnowlege - hiding some Knowledge.

Would You Walk the Road... with Me?

there's a lonely road

there's an endless sea

and it's never easy

wasn't meant to be

as the sun goes down

and it's hard to see

would you walk the road... with me?

(Ben Abraham - Let Your Light)

this year, I've learnt a lot that I didn't already know.

i've lear

nt what loss feels like.

i've learnt what it feels like to know someone who's on the edge.

i've learnt that i really am not p

erfect. (i mean, i've always known it but does anyone really realise it until they are in the midst of a situation that brings out the true carnality in them?)

i've learnt that a lot of the time, you don't get what you want.

i've learnt that humans are the hardest species to work with.

i've learnt that the people that said 'life is hard', really weren't lying.

its funny though, because whenever i think of these th

ings, i also think of the fact that i'm only seventeen and that there is still so much to learn. hahaha... hahaha? really?

OH GOSH, there is a future to look forward to...

life after high school.

LIFE AFTER HIGH SCHOOL??!!??!!??!!

My Aimee and I usually discuss life after high school.

it's quite exciting, but at the same time - totally nerve racking and daunting.

what is to happen to us?

what will we do with our lives?

careers? marriage? ministry? location

what will be doing!?? when and where will be doing it??!!

scary stuff, the future.

very HighSchoolMusical 2 stuff.

anyone else feel that way?

hmm.

ApplezForKnowledge - seeking some Knowledge.

P.S

I have an old friend.

She is so much like me, and yet so much different to me.

We have totally different views on what composes a 'good-looking guy'.

But we know the same requirements of any guy that is to be considered.

She's into Arts (TOP IN DESIGN!!), I'm into Science.

She has this confidence about her that gives her an unshakable, unwavering faith that I admire so much.

The confidence is in who God's made her to be.

She's so beautiful, inside and out.

She deserves the best, and will get only the best.

I know it.

I hope we never part :)

She had her ball lastnight, I went to see her and

she looked absolutely stunningly on fire! (GREEN FIRE! haha, get it? Green fire! green and orange ;D)

Amazing. If she didn't mind me putting a pic up I would, but she probably would mind so I shan't :)

this is what we do when we hang out.

Alejandro is my dog; or are you?

so, i have two assignments due. one in two weeks. one in three weeks. at the end of that third week, is the school ball. for which myself and the prefects must plan.

so, have i started either assignment? no.

have i gotten my dress and shoes and whatever else you need for a ball? no.

are the ball plans down pact? no.

so, you ask... what HAVE i done!?

i'll tell you.

i have gotten my hair untangled (don't ask!) - which by the way is funny because it is cut unevenly haha - and yeah.i HAVE managed to spend, i estimate, 20 hours + on the facebook game BOUNCING BALLS.

i have managed to get to level 7, the second highest score in my friends list.

THAT's gotta count for SOMETHING in life, doesn't it???

doesn't it!!!

moral of the story: facebook sucks. hahaha joking, there isn't one - i'm just lazy and good at procrastinating. sigh.

now i'm off!

ApplezForKnowledge - in need of motivation.

she is TaylaMade.

okay, not so school related but meh.

i had a thought. or a series of them. let us consider trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. not only is it virtually impossible & wrong, if you actually manage to do so, the square peg will had to have been damaged. in order to fit the peg into the hole, it will had to have been bent out of shape and as a result, the peg will never be the same as its' original self. true?

love does not start on command. i have learnt not to try and make it do so. otherwise, either/or person in the 'relationship' will have their character (which had its' own perfectly shaped place for it elsewhere) warped, changed, altered and never how it was meant to be. although the imperfect fit will be unnatural and uncomfortable

we

become

comfortable

in

our

discomfort

do we not?

"it's easy to be sure you love someone, when her daddy enquires with the barrel of a gun. the union was far from harmonious. no two people could have been more alone than us"

Deathbed - RELIENT K. iTunes on shuffle aye. how strangely relevant.

ApplezForKnowledge.x

P.S

AN EXAMPLE OF SOMEONE WHO DESERVES NOT JUST ANY OLD 'PEG'

i have a new friend, and her name is Tayla but i like to call her Teeb. just because. she would had to have been the most supportive person to me when my friend Akua died. she didn't know me, i didn't know her... but she showed she cared. & continued to show she cared. she is an example of a genuinely caring person. she is unafraid to speak her mind. she is lovely. she taught me how to heart ;)

she is Tayla-made.

im afraid of childbirth.

how does one begin a blog? well first of all i must tell you, i do like the way that sentences look without the capitals at the beginning, so forgive me if grammar is your fetish but this is my blog :)

it is June & i have not yet written a blog. well let me tell you why not. it has simply not been one of my priorities. hmphh. i have had many other things to deal with. things i wish to share with you but be warned... these things aren't necessarily nice heart warming 'things'.

they, are real-life things.

term one. ready, nervous & pumped for my last year of school... year 13, NCEA Level 3, & headGirl. my future was only a corner away. my choice of subjects for the year? English, Calculus, Physics, Bio and Chem... the Asian five so i've been told. i've also been told that the term Asian five is subtly racist so i'm not too comfortable using it... i'd rather list them than be associated with racism. although, by acknowledging it i guess i've kind of cancelled out my whole anti-racist stand... you know like in a fraction when there is a common factor between the denominator & the numerator... yeah Okay, i'll stop.

if somebody had told me 2010 was going to pan out to what it had been, i would have prepared myself way more than i had... or at least i'd like to think that i would have.

it did not take me long to realise that the title "HeadGirl" was only that; a title. it didn't merit respect, or authority. in the students eyes, i had to prove myself. would you believe that the year level that was the hardest to work with were the year13's? my year. they saw us as friends, and fair enough, but it made life harder than it had to be. sigh. soon enough, prefects grew sick and tired of the anti-prefect remarks and jokes. some were so un-jokelike i could swear they were just nasty stabs in the LIGHT, looking for a reaction... anything. oh how they loved getting reactions. immaturity is a common trait throughout teenagers... or is it just my school? who knows. sigh that these people will become the future of our country... yay that they will hopefully have grown out of their kid-like behaviours before then. sigh that i am a human myself & am capable of these things also.

does anybody else have people for whom they cannot help caring about? people who, no matter how disconnected they become from them, you will always wonder about? i do. i did. i do? has anybody ever found that someone you care about is suicidal? has anybody ever found out that someone who you see often, behind their mask, has a really crappy life? i have. i've found that. it made me wonder and rethink my focus my life... am i looking in the right places? people can do well to talk about changing the world, but have they started with themselves? have i started with myself? i have started with myself. my friend was suicidal. it made me sad to a point i had never been to before. i cared not about molecules anymore, rather that all this turmoil was going on inside my friend and i had taken no notice. why hadn't i taken any notice? why don't we take any notice? humans. hmph.

& so my schoolwork suffered.

thankGod for the holidays. i had time to get myself together & remember... i had responsibilities to my school and to myself.

term two. i have a friend. the most beautiful of friends. she is one of the most full of life people i have ever met. have you had a friend like that? i have. and her name is Akua. an African Beauty from Ghana. a Christian. a Science student. a model, a role model, a friend, a best friend, a freakin' comedy show all in one. she had cancer. and she died. at the age of sixteen she died. our darling girl died. this made me sad. and it made me mad. but more sad than anything. and it made me busy. if the headgirl isn't to organise the memorial, then who is? luckily i wasnt the only one who was her friend... i actually think of all her friends i was the last to become hers. those six know who they are, and us seven knew who she was.

& whilst i grieved my friend

my schoolwork suffered.

sigh.

& holidays were eleven weeks away.

i have two assignments due in three weeks, both of which - i'll tell you the truth - i haven't given two thoughts to. plus planning for the ball which is in three weeks. plus my own ball planning such as dress, shoes, transport. plus fundraising to do for my cambodia humanitarian aid project. plus life. plus me. plus you.

where's the silver lining you say?

i get free education.

i get to experience the ball.

i get to feel pretty.

i get to experience cambodia.

i get to know myself.

& i get to write to you.

so, that is my year so far... hope you've enjoyed.

life is a journey, a long and sometimes twisty road.

but God is always good you know.

ApplesForKnowledge.