how i wish you were here.

it is 12:09am and i should be in bed, but i must tell you about a man that we should all know, but sadly we don't.

i blog this to the background music 'Wish You Were Here' by Pink Floyd. i heard this for the first time tonight, over Skype. my daddio played it on the guitar to me... "wish you were here"... he's gone to bed now, so i compensate with the good old youtube version of the song. not as good, but good enough for now. while he's gone.

"how i wish you were here"

Dads.

A child's stability, foundation, solid ground, hiding place and refuge, warmth in the winter, light in the dark, comfort during sadness, Love.

A girl needs that man in her life, who will never leave her, who will be always with her and for her. Who will cheer her on at her games. Who will read her blogs. Who will video her music recitals and show it off. Who will tell her she is the most beautiful darling girl in the world. Who will make her feel special amongst so many special people. Who will accept her, no matter what she does... no matter who she wastes time on, or how. Who she knows she can always return to, however far she may stray.

and who will protect her from the men who don't do any of these things right.

Who will protect her from the men who don't do any of these things right?

A boy needs that man in their life, that will teach him how to make it in the cold cold world, who will video his game, or his tournament, or his dance, and show it off to the world. Who will teach him to have fun and make fun. Who will teach him to show emotion. Who will teach him that it is okay to not be okay. Who will teach him how to look after himself and his family. Who will teach him to throw a ball, or do an equation, or spell a word. Who will teach him to earn respect if he ever wants to gain it.

and Who will love him and not be too proud to show it.

Who will love him and not be too proud to show it?

Dads... where are you? you have a responsibility to him and to her.

She needs you and he needs you.

I need you.

I'm blessed, my dad is not here, but he tries.

i can't imagine how hard it is for those whose dad's don't.

"how i wish, i wish you were here"

ApplezForKnowledge - my dad, i love you.xx

his guitaring is sometimes the only thing that calms me in the middle of a hectic week, term, year, life.

i like you.

you can have whatever you like.

pffft. whatever Clifford Joseph Harris, Jr.

many things in this life do i like.

i like the song Beautiful Exchange by Hillsong. i like that i heard this song for the first time at Hillsong Brisbane in Janurary. i like that i was standing with my family when i did; Dad, Nancy, Wyn, Diamond, David, Ebaney, Lays... i like that Baby Andrew was also there.

i like that my school's FIRST and SECOND XV's both won their games. i like that the Under 15's also won their game. i like that it was an 80something-NIL hiding. i like that i could watch and support both the Seconds and Under15s. I like that the headboy was watching the one game i couldn't watch. i like my school.

i like that this is the last week of term two coming up. i like that there is only fourteen weeks left of high school for me, ever. i like that in a week and two days time, i will see my dad, Nancy, Diamond and David. i like that.

i like that i like a lot of things.

i like that i have a friend called Aimee. and a friend called Tayla. and a friend called Delphine.

i like that i have four tabs open automatically when i start up the Web Browser. i like that they are my Blog, Jesse's blog, hotmail and... facebook.

i like that i'm playing the said song over and over and over again. "when only love could make a way, you gave your life... in a beautiful exchange."

i like that i am the head girl. i like that i am a daughter. i like that i am a leader. i like that i am known in Manurewa because my mums the infamous Miss Loto xD. i like that we have so many visitors because of how awesome she is. i like that her and i are more like friends than mother and daughter. i like that i am many things. but i like how on my blog i don't have to be anyone but adeleina loto-meleisea papi francesca.

i like that i put my middle name after my last name, hahaha.

i like how i started this blog with no topic in mind, not intending it to be long, but that's out the window now.

i like that Hieu just liked my status. i like Hieu's hair. i think Hieu is awesome. but i don't even know Hieu, and he pokes fingers to me. lol.

i like that this blog is so unfocussed that it's just a rant...

i like that it won't be marked by Ms Frayling.

i like that if it was, i'd like to think i'd get an Excellence for, nothing...

i like that now that i share my blogs through facebook, i get about four views higher than i had the previous day. i like that i like that.

i like that aaron is coming to the ball now. i like that i didn't buy my ticket yet, in case he decided to come at the last minute. i like that i've decided to buy the last possible ticket.

i like that there may not be a last possible ticket and i might miss out, hahaha.

i like that i am stopping blogging to go and do my english research that is due this monday... and i like that there are still loads of things on my mind to add to the list.

i like that by there would only be about three people who've read this far.

i like, i love, i like, i love.

ApplezForKnowledge - likes Knowledge.

i like that this sounds like one of those 'like my status and i will tell you something i like about you" things. hmph.

CENSORED.censored.CENSORED.censored.

Wow. the writings all in the middle... amazing stuff.

Did you know that I censor my blogs?

Hahahahaha... what do I mean by that?

I treat this blogging space as an online diary.

i have soooo many posts that were never posted, simply because i decided i didnt want everybody knowing what was written on them. this thought makes me LOL.

maybe if this were one of those awesome anonymous blogs that a million people around the world followed, and anticipated the next post of, simply because they were so real and relevant to teenage life.

but alas, this is not so...

i have about three dedicated readers and they all know who i am.

hahaha, so that's it. that's all i have to say.

the rest, stays edited out.

ApplezForKnowlege - hiding some Knowledge.

Would You Walk the Road... with Me?

there's a lonely road

there's an endless sea

and it's never easy

wasn't meant to be

as the sun goes down

and it's hard to see

would you walk the road... with me?

(Ben Abraham - Let Your Light)

this year, I've learnt a lot that I didn't already know.

i've lear

nt what loss feels like.

i've learnt what it feels like to know someone who's on the edge.

i've learnt that i really am not p

erfect. (i mean, i've always known it but does anyone really realise it until they are in the midst of a situation that brings out the true carnality in them?)

i've learnt that a lot of the time, you don't get what you want.

i've learnt that humans are the hardest species to work with.

i've learnt that the people that said 'life is hard', really weren't lying.

its funny though, because whenever i think of these th

ings, i also think of the fact that i'm only seventeen and that there is still so much to learn. hahaha... hahaha? really?

OH GOSH, there is a future to look forward to...

life after high school.

LIFE AFTER HIGH SCHOOL??!!??!!??!!

My Aimee and I usually discuss life after high school.

it's quite exciting, but at the same time - totally nerve racking and daunting.

what is to happen to us?

what will we do with our lives?

careers? marriage? ministry? location

what will be doing!?? when and where will be doing it??!!

scary stuff, the future.

very HighSchoolMusical 2 stuff.

anyone else feel that way?

hmm.

ApplezForKnowledge - seeking some Knowledge.

P.S

I have an old friend.

She is so much like me, and yet so much different to me.

We have totally different views on what composes a 'good-looking guy'.

But we know the same requirements of any guy that is to be considered.

She's into Arts (TOP IN DESIGN!!), I'm into Science.

She has this confidence about her that gives her an unshakable, unwavering faith that I admire so much.

The confidence is in who God's made her to be.

She's so beautiful, inside and out.

She deserves the best, and will get only the best.

I know it.

I hope we never part :)

She had her ball lastnight, I went to see her and

she looked absolutely stunningly on fire! (GREEN FIRE! haha, get it? Green fire! green and orange ;D)

Amazing. If she didn't mind me putting a pic up I would, but she probably would mind so I shan't :)

this is what we do when we hang out.

Alejandro is my dog; or are you?

so, i have two assignments due. one in two weeks. one in three weeks. at the end of that third week, is the school ball. for which myself and the prefects must plan.

so, have i started either assignment? no.

have i gotten my dress and shoes and whatever else you need for a ball? no.

are the ball plans down pact? no.

so, you ask... what HAVE i done!?

i'll tell you.

i have gotten my hair untangled (don't ask!) - which by the way is funny because it is cut unevenly haha - and yeah.i HAVE managed to spend, i estimate, 20 hours + on the facebook game BOUNCING BALLS.

i have managed to get to level 7, the second highest score in my friends list.

THAT's gotta count for SOMETHING in life, doesn't it???

doesn't it!!!

moral of the story: facebook sucks. hahaha joking, there isn't one - i'm just lazy and good at procrastinating. sigh.

now i'm off!

ApplezForKnowledge - in need of motivation.

she is TaylaMade.

okay, not so school related but meh.

i had a thought. or a series of them. let us consider trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. not only is it virtually impossible & wrong, if you actually manage to do so, the square peg will had to have been damaged. in order to fit the peg into the hole, it will had to have been bent out of shape and as a result, the peg will never be the same as its' original self. true?

love does not start on command. i have learnt not to try and make it do so. otherwise, either/or person in the 'relationship' will have their character (which had its' own perfectly shaped place for it elsewhere) warped, changed, altered and never how it was meant to be. although the imperfect fit will be unnatural and uncomfortable

we

become

comfortable

in

our

discomfort

do we not?

"it's easy to be sure you love someone, when her daddy enquires with the barrel of a gun. the union was far from harmonious. no two people could have been more alone than us"

Deathbed - RELIENT K. iTunes on shuffle aye. how strangely relevant.

ApplezForKnowledge.x

P.S

AN EXAMPLE OF SOMEONE WHO DESERVES NOT JUST ANY OLD 'PEG'

i have a new friend, and her name is Tayla but i like to call her Teeb. just because. she would had to have been the most supportive person to me when my friend Akua died. she didn't know me, i didn't know her... but she showed she cared. & continued to show she cared. she is an example of a genuinely caring person. she is unafraid to speak her mind. she is lovely. she taught me how to heart ;)

she is Tayla-made.

im afraid of childbirth.

how does one begin a blog? well first of all i must tell you, i do like the way that sentences look without the capitals at the beginning, so forgive me if grammar is your fetish but this is my blog :)

it is June & i have not yet written a blog. well let me tell you why not. it has simply not been one of my priorities. hmphh. i have had many other things to deal with. things i wish to share with you but be warned... these things aren't necessarily nice heart warming 'things'.

they, are real-life things.

term one. ready, nervous & pumped for my last year of school... year 13, NCEA Level 3, & headGirl. my future was only a corner away. my choice of subjects for the year? English, Calculus, Physics, Bio and Chem... the Asian five so i've been told. i've also been told that the term Asian five is subtly racist so i'm not too comfortable using it... i'd rather list them than be associated with racism. although, by acknowledging it i guess i've kind of cancelled out my whole anti-racist stand... you know like in a fraction when there is a common factor between the denominator & the numerator... yeah Okay, i'll stop.

if somebody had told me 2010 was going to pan out to what it had been, i would have prepared myself way more than i had... or at least i'd like to think that i would have.

it did not take me long to realise that the title "HeadGirl" was only that; a title. it didn't merit respect, or authority. in the students eyes, i had to prove myself. would you believe that the year level that was the hardest to work with were the year13's? my year. they saw us as friends, and fair enough, but it made life harder than it had to be. sigh. soon enough, prefects grew sick and tired of the anti-prefect remarks and jokes. some were so un-jokelike i could swear they were just nasty stabs in the LIGHT, looking for a reaction... anything. oh how they loved getting reactions. immaturity is a common trait throughout teenagers... or is it just my school? who knows. sigh that these people will become the future of our country... yay that they will hopefully have grown out of their kid-like behaviours before then. sigh that i am a human myself & am capable of these things also.

does anybody else have people for whom they cannot help caring about? people who, no matter how disconnected they become from them, you will always wonder about? i do. i did. i do? has anybody ever found that someone you care about is suicidal? has anybody ever found out that someone who you see often, behind their mask, has a really crappy life? i have. i've found that. it made me wonder and rethink my focus my life... am i looking in the right places? people can do well to talk about changing the world, but have they started with themselves? have i started with myself? i have started with myself. my friend was suicidal. it made me sad to a point i had never been to before. i cared not about molecules anymore, rather that all this turmoil was going on inside my friend and i had taken no notice. why hadn't i taken any notice? why don't we take any notice? humans. hmph.

& so my schoolwork suffered.

thankGod for the holidays. i had time to get myself together & remember... i had responsibilities to my school and to myself.

term two. i have a friend. the most beautiful of friends. she is one of the most full of life people i have ever met. have you had a friend like that? i have. and her name is Akua. an African Beauty from Ghana. a Christian. a Science student. a model, a role model, a friend, a best friend, a freakin' comedy show all in one. she had cancer. and she died. at the age of sixteen she died. our darling girl died. this made me sad. and it made me mad. but more sad than anything. and it made me busy. if the headgirl isn't to organise the memorial, then who is? luckily i wasnt the only one who was her friend... i actually think of all her friends i was the last to become hers. those six know who they are, and us seven knew who she was.

& whilst i grieved my friend

my schoolwork suffered.

sigh.

& holidays were eleven weeks away.

i have two assignments due in three weeks, both of which - i'll tell you the truth - i haven't given two thoughts to. plus planning for the ball which is in three weeks. plus my own ball planning such as dress, shoes, transport. plus fundraising to do for my cambodia humanitarian aid project. plus life. plus me. plus you.

where's the silver lining you say?

i get free education.

i get to experience the ball.

i get to feel pretty.

i get to experience cambodia.

i get to know myself.

& i get to write to you.

so, that is my year so far... hope you've enjoyed.

life is a journey, a long and sometimes twisty road.

but God is always good you know.

ApplesForKnowledge.